By The Numbers

We are going to a friend’s 40th Birthday party tonight, and my husband and I have our’s right around the corner.

 I’ve been reading some good writers who are *cough* turning 30.  It got me thinking a lot about the last 10 years, mainly because I can barely remember them. Didn’t I just get married? Didn’t I just turn 30 a few months ago?

So I decided to list a few things I learned in the last 10 years, just to help me shake off some of the child-rearing amnesia.

1) You will under appreciate how good you look right now. The thing that really stings is how good 30 looks, which you don’t appreciate because you’re too busy worrying about losing 10 pounds. When you’re 40 you realize you have 20 pounds to lose and a waning metabolism. Just my wrinkle-free skin alone makes me want to sit my younger self down and say, honey, have some gratitude. Youth was most definitely wasted on the younger me.

2) But, you really do grow comfortable in your skin. The cliche is true. As you creep towards 40, you really do care so much less about what other people think, and you know yourself so much better. You can actually look back and laugh at what gave you anxiety at 30. And 35. And 37, because in my experience you finally start to stop caring right around then because it gets too annoying.

3) You will still care about cellulite. That never goes away – both the feeling bad about it part and the actual cellulite.

4) Don’t let numbers define you. It’s not the whole story. What your scale says, or your bank account, or the number of likes or followers or emails today – it is all too easy to get consumed by them. But you’ll be miserable if you do. And it is the lie of omissions, since letting a number define you leaves out your spirit.

If you’re a parent, you’ll stop doing this in your 30s because you see the gorgeousness in your own kids’ spirits. And you figure out that we all have that inside of us. As a little thought experiment, imagine for a moment if we defined kids with numbers. How much they weigh, what their test scores are, how many friends are coming to their birthday party, what size they wear, what grade they should be, how many cavities they have, what their IQ level is. Spirit crushing horror is what that would be. But we do it to ourselves all the time as we are growing up. So try not to do this.

5) Invest in really good bras, really good books, and really good friends. No matter what life throws at you, these will be your main source of support, so your gonna want to make them strong.

6) When you feel bad, make a list of what you are grateful for. Gratitude is a depression buster every time. Also, clean your room. You’ll feel better. Better yet, spring for a housecleaner. They will instill a gratitude in you so deep you will won’t be able to live without them.

7) Make peace. With your self, with others, with life. Then you can direct your energies towards the really good stuff instead of letting anger and resentment fill you up. If they are, see #6.

8) Never eat gas station food. Unless you are in Spain, where they have delicious rustic homemade gas station food.

9) If they don’t love you, you can’t make them. Cue Bonnie Rait on repeat until you feel this in your bones.

10) When in doubt, take a walk/run outside. It is life’s reset button.

11) When you are overwhelmed, take 10 minutes to yourself. Just 10. Not 8, or 5. 10. The gift of time is the greatest gift you can possibly give yourself. And I don’t mean checking email and folding laundry. Just lay down with the thoughts in your head and nothing else.

12) Lose Yourself as often as possible. In art, in cooking, in gardening, in running or tennis or golf, in crosswords. The more you can drown out that record of mental chatter that plays endlessly, the better your spirit will be.

13) This too shall pass. The darkest grief, the deepest hurt. They will all lessen with time. Every single day is new, a clean slate. The Lord’s mercies are not exhausted, ever.

14) Invest in one good dress. And heels, and lipstick.

15) Call your mother.*

*This one is totally self-serving. I always call my mom but just wanted to remind my kids.