The Septembers

When I brought one of my kids in for a check up earlier this month, our pediatrician joked that his wife wanted to quit her job as an attorney because back to school was that hard.

And when I went to Open House, while my oldest was at football and my husband was traveling, I raced from first to second to third grade to answer the sweet letters my kids wrote to me at record speed. I sat in their little desks and listened to their teachers give presentations (I only partially heard these because I haven’t yet figured out how to be two places at once. And God bless the babysitting in the gym.) Then I herded cats back to the car to race to pick up my son, and of course I was a few minutes late. He was being eaten alive by mosquitos.

Almost everyone I have talked to barely sees their spouse. If one of them is coaching a sport they’re lucky to check in with each other on Sunday morning. Or they just had a ‘disagreement’ and are talking in hushed tones on the side of soccer games or parties, only to have the tell tale arms-crossed pose of steely anger. Some even have outright said, “I can’t talk to him/her right now.” And isn’t it amazing how much time it takes to fight? Time neither one of you has because you were supposed to be somewhere 5 minutes ago.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, many couples are having a case of the Septembers. It’s that special time of year when no one is humanly capable of doing all that their responsibilities demand of them, and families constantly perform triage on what need has to be addressed first. All of this is pretty stressful on relationships. Especially the ones that involve someone with the title ‘partner’. That implies pulling some of the load and, well, those expectations are a mine field.

This is the time to step back, grab some wine, asses the situation, and diagnose yourself and your relationship as having the Septembers. Like a cold, it is temporary but miserable to live through, and it is best handled by having patience with your to do list and the other people in your house. Once you do this, you might possibly have a chance to breathe, laugh and recall summer days where nothing was urgent and everything was easy. Unless that will make you cry, then don’t.

Pretty soon you will all hit your stride with your new schedules. You may have already had the brief moments that make it all worth it, like the winning goal, the great math test, the laughter around pizza and a movie when you’re beat. But more likely, you are waiting for that moment where you can relax and well, it isn’t coming to you. You have to take it.

Find some grace for yourself and each other to withstand the transitions that fall brings. I don’t know why family life has become so crazy, but I think the only way to push back is to acknowledge it, say it is damn hard, and then take what you need. Schedule date nights. Get a massage. Take a bath. Now is the time for self care so you can give to everyone else. And it wouldn’t hurt to throw a little care at your spouse. Make them their favorite dinner. Buy your wife some flowers. Exhale, and say to each other, ‘isn’t this hard? isn’t it so crazy?’ and then turn on Colbert and laugh.

And if you’re reading this and it doesn’t apply to you per se, think about the seasons of your life that get like this, that are just impossible to do perfectly and try to remind yourself to have a lot of forgiveness and grace and self care right then.

Seasons are filled with familiar memories, and our senses delight in the change.  It is still change, though, and that can be hard.  But thank goodness. The change just means we’re alive.